“You Might Also Feel Dizzy” | Chebrya Jeffrey ’16

You Might Also Feel Dizzy

after Deborah Paradez

Diarrhea for more than two

days confusion fever and

weight loss are symptoms

of not having had enough

water you might also feel

dizzy and lose your ability

to pee or sweat to function

properly they say a blood

test must be taken on an

empty stomach they want

to see the real you when it’s

all stripped away at the lab

the nurse injects the needle

but fidgets a bit in my arm

and I pass out like a porce-

lain plate hitting the floor

when everything is stripped

away whats left is a fiber wet

with sap the part you feed your-

self on if you feast on yourself

for too long you disappear

Witty Jokes for Witty English

May these clever English puns be a bright welcome to your weekend.

Queen meets Edgar Allan Poe












We all know Dickens was being far too optimistic in A Tale of Two Cities….


Saving the day one plagiarized paper at a time.




We all know Grandma makes the best food not is the best food.


Procrastination is my superpower.


Hey now, apostrophe, we can all share Grandma’s food!


Sassy English Majors are the best kind.


I’m done.  This is literally mind blowing.


Anyone hungry?


I would not like to be in this bar.


Classic Shakespeare.




Just Like the Golden Globes

Last Thursday night, the place to be for the English department was Founders Pub.  Students and faculty gathered together to celebrate our wonderful major.  From a witty opening monologue by Dr. Mattison and some matching games with SAGE Presidents Meaghan Summers and Jessica Hamm, to literary awards for students and gag gifts for professors, the night was a memorable one.  And even though Dr. Mattsion did have some jokes about the stereotypes given to English majors, we wouldn’t change our experience for the world.

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Literary Awards were presented to:

English 101 Prize – Trevor Hoberty ’20

Sophomore Prize – Anissa Dan ’18

Senior Prize – Maria Symons ’17

Sherwood Anderson Prize for Fiction – Megan Winters ’17

Poetry – Chole Bruchett ’17

Playwriting/Screenwriting – Camila Quinones ’17

Non-fiction Prose – Maria Symons ’17

The Lester S. Crowl Creativity Award – Camila Quinones ’17


Faculty Awards:

The High Queen Award – Dr. Askeland

The Tough Guy Who’s Soft on the Inside – Dr. Hinson

Classic Villain – Dr. Mattison

The Good Guy – Dr. MacDonald

Barefoot Sage – Dr. McClleland

The Gentle Giant – Dr. Davis

The Moral Compass – Dr. Richards

The Street Performer – Dr. Battle

The One with the Horns and Pitchfork – Dr. Incorvati

The Rogue Wanderer – Dr. Polak

The Wise Old Sage – Dr. Buckman

The Storyteller – Dr. Inboden

The Eccentric Mentor – Dr. Fallon

The Narrator – Christina Reynolds

A Sabbatical with No Snow

Though we miss them while they’re gone, we love to hear all about the things our professors do while on sabbatical.  Dr. Inboden is no different:

When I chose a spring semester for my sabbatical, I did so with a bit of luxurious anticipation; I imagined waking up to falling snow in a house well-stocked with cinnamon tea and raspberry jam for toast, knowing that I didn’t have to go anywhere. The mounting snow would create a hush in which I could read and write for long hours, cut off from the outside world. I have apparently picked the wrong year, weatherwise, for that particular fantasy.

But the reading and writing has gone forward nonetheless, though not with the accompanying romance of being snowbound. One of the key projects I planned for this sabbatical was to propose a critical edition of a Victorian work. Such a project appeals to several of my strengths: attention to detail, fascination with historical contexts, and tenacity in research. The first step would be to settle on a work in which the publisher might be interested. I had already developed a short list of intriguing works not easily available in an up-to-date critical edition. The first part of my sabbatical has been spent reading and re-reading some of the works on that list.

Here’s the thing: there’s a reason that Anne Bronte’s Agnes Grey, her first novel, isn’t widely discussed. It’s a pale prelude to her wonderful Tenant of Wildfell Hall. In fact, it almost doesn’t seem like a novel at all until more than halfway through its length, but like the bitter diary of a young woman complaining about her rotten luck in life. agnes_greyAnne still had much to learn about creating characters and telling incident—something she mastered in her second novel, but not her first. Sadly, I’m not sure it’s a novel that requires a new edition. I’ve been reading a number of hard-to-find Victorian novels as well as lesser-known works by major authors, and I’ve narrowed down my choices. I’ve also learned a lot about the whole landscape of Victorian fiction, not just the masterworks I usually teach. I think I’ll be writing an initial query to the publisher soon.

Of course, that’s not the only thing I’m doing on my sabbatical. I’m also working on some personal essays, one on my growing obsession with early 20th-century glass and pottery, especially that tureens-2produced in eastern Ohio, Pennsylvania, and West Virginia. The transformation of the sand, clay, and coal of the Appalachian hills into sparkling pieces of craft with whimsical names speaks to my eyes and my heart. Reading that sentence, I feel that I’ve officially become an old lady—but I’m okay with that.

And before this sabbatical is through—not until August, really—I will have made some significant revisions to a couple of my courses, especially English 101. Focusing deeply on reading, writing, and pondering without distraction feeds something important in me. I will be back in the fall renewed, rested, and revived with optimism that I’m giving my best to my students—even without a snow day.

–  Dr. Inboden

Writing about the Writing Center

When taking on the honors thesis, usually people think about their favorite author or work to write about.  However, this senior realized she couldn’t write about something she wasn’t passionate about.  Instead, she took a step back, surveyed her Wittenberg experience, and found the perfect thing to write about:

I love being an English major, but I began to panic when I realized that I did not feel pulled towards one period or style of writing over the others; I thought my thesis was supposed to reflect my passions within the major, and though I have enjoyed every class within the department, none of them truly fit the description. But that did not mean I was completely passionless. I have worked in the writing center since the fall of my sophomore year, and my college experience has been formed and shaped specifically by this experience.


I chose to do an honors thesis because it allowed me to think outside the box. I’ve visited writing centers at three other universities and interviewed staff members in their writing centers, as well as advisors in our own, to understand the similarities and differences between them all. Writing this thesis has been a great opportunity for me to reflect on the work I have done, and the ways others carry this work out similarly, all simultaneously finding our places in a broader community. Although it took me a while to figure it out, I have found a passion in the English department, and this passion will help me navigate the (horrifying/exciting) changes ahead.

– Sophie Hulen ’17

The Last Four Years: an Honors Thesis

Graduation is less than three months away, which means seniors are hard at work with their final project: the thesis.  Some have opted for the traditional route, while others are taking on more work and tackling an honors thesis.  Maria Symons is doing just that.  What exactly has she been working on?  Read on to find out:

After a creative nonfiction course with Professor Fallon this last fall, I thought I would try my hand at a collection of memoir style pieces for my honors thesis. As simple as it may seem, the line between fiction and nonfiction can be a blurry one, and I have loved being able to explore the gray area around nonfiction in my own writing and research. This semester I have been working with Dr. Mattison to put together the pieces of my college experience—to write about the best, the worst, and the ugliest parts of my four years at Witt.maria-in-germany I’m hoping to tackle a project something akin to Geoff Dyer’s Yoga for People Who Can’t Be Bothered to Do It, a collection of nonfiction essays that speak to the author’s own formative experiences. I’ve gotten to tell some of my favorite and most embarrassing stories—from my first semester adjusting to college culture, to my semester abroad in Germany, and finally the crazy wind up to graduation. From here, I’ll be on the hunt for more works like Dyer’s, as well as scholars in conversation about the genre and its complexities.

And maybe a few more pens. I’m running out of ink.

– Maria Symons

“Ask. Offer. Connect with the Witt Network.”

Switchboard: “an installation for the manual control of telephone connections in an office, hotel, or other large building.”


However, Switchboard means a very different thing to current Wittenberg students.  Recently launched, Switchboard is an interactive site that allows students to connect with alumni in a more personal way than LinkedIn.  The site gives them the opportunity to post “asks”, which are questions concerning internship/job help or calls for advice.  The possibilities are endless.  One student, for example, posted an “ask” as she was searching for housing in Chicago for her internship.


Two alumni commented quickly, sharing advice and internet links to sublets and university summer housing.  Voila, the student had direct help from willing alumni.

In addition to the “ask” feature, people may also use the “offer” feature to share available jobs/internships and different opportunities.


For instance, one student posted an offer for a graphic designer, while another alumni posted an offer for a summer internship.

Plus, there have been a couple offers for virtual resume/cover letter reviews as well as advertisements for campus opportunities.  Like I said, the possibilities are endless.

What’s even better is that joining is easy.  Simply go to wittenberg.switchboardhq.com and sign up.  You’ll find the site extremely easy to navigate, and who knows?  It may be a stepping stone toward your future.